Sunday, October 30, 2011

Another Grief Post - Sorry!

I haven't written in a while. I've really wanted to but I really don't know what to say. I feel like grief is a never-ending, always evolving process. I've mourned the loss of my two week old brother (when I was 7), my uncle, grandpa, and great-grandparents - and every one of their deaths were sad for different reasons. But the loss of a parent is completely different. It's a feeling that I find very difficult to explain. I almost feel unprotected or insecure. My dad played the role of hero and protector well. He always made sure my car was tuned, gave the best hugs when I was sad (or not sad!) and wanted to kill anyone who ever did me wrong.

Did I mention that he died four days before we were set to move home? Four. Days. He and my mom were going to surprise us at the airport. His retirement party was the following weekend. Four days. I repeat that a lot in my head.

On the outside, I look normal. I seem happy to anyone I meet, I'm sure. And I do have lots of happy moments. Having a one year old is great for lightening the grief load! But when it gets quiet at the end of the day and I'm left to my thoughts, they wander to Dad. I miss him so much. It's really hard to be here without him. I don't just miss him for me though, I miss him for my mom and for Liam, for my sister, for Jimmy. For everyone's life he touched - and he touched many lives.

I'm sorry my posts have been downers lately. You can totally stop reading if you want. This is just a good outlet for me. I will start posting about what we've been up to more regularly - I was on such a roll for a while!

We planted a tree for my dad last weekend at my in-law's home. It was really touching and beautiful. I am truly blessed by Justin's (my) family. Here are a few pictures from the day (the kids dressed up for Halloween - so cute!)






Posted by MTS at 5:17 PM
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9 comments:

  1. KDOctober 31, 2011 at 4:01 AM

    Don't apologise for your feelings, Meg! I know what you mean re: feeling unprotected. Grief is a process...a rocky roller coaster. Happy you are surrounded by your family and love with you on this journey. Missing you xo

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  2. Stephanie MarshOctober 31, 2011 at 7:13 AM

    I like reading about it all....the good and bad. This is a perfect platform for letting out whatever you need to. No apologies necessary. I love you to bits.

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  3. ÁineOctober 31, 2011 at 7:15 AM

    It's good to let things out Meg, don't forget that. I'm sorry to hear about your family losing your brother all those years ago. I bet Mr. One Year Old is doing a great job of keeping your spirits up. He looks adorable in his chicken outfit! Keep posting, who says they have to be upbeat ; )

    Love Áine

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  4. John MillikinOctober 31, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    I started reading your blog yesterday when I was looking for posts about expats living in Ireland. My wife and I are looking for a change and Dublin is being considered (I went to Trinity for grad school many years ago). Your easy and positive style of writing kept me reading post after post. I was just about to message you with some questions about you and your husband's Dublin experience when I clicked the link to read about your move back to Michigan. I realize I don't know you at all, but I was so sorry to read about your father's passing. I hope it's not inappropriate for me to comment on here, but I was quite engrossed in your blog (to the point of looking on google maps to find this magical Herbert Park that I somehow missed while I was living there). I felt so lifted and comforted by the notion that two North Americans had their first child living abroad in Dublin without much drama, as that was a concern for my wife and I regarding a big move overseas. Then I felt really saddened about your horrible news in the final days of your time in Dublin

    This morning, while still reading about your early days in Dublin, I mentioned your blog to my wife and told her about your positive outlook on life and how perhaps starting our own regular blogs would help put a positive spin on our experiences of our current city, which we are not enjoying very much. You really do seem to make the best of things (at least on paper) and I hope that attitude will help carry you through your tough times. Again, I'm sorry for your loss and I wish your family much better days ahead. Thanks for your wonderful writing, it's been inspirational in unexpected ways.

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  5. MTSOctober 31, 2011 at 1:25 PM

    KD, Steph & Aine, thank you for your encouraging words xx

    Josh, thank you so much for your kind comments about my blog - I never would have thought my words would be interesting to anyone but my parents and sister! How cool that you did your grad work at Trinity and are considering a move back. Living in Ireland was such an adventure for us, as you're read. I always tell people who are considering a move like this to remember that "where ever you go, there you are." I wish you and your wife the best of luck in finding your own new adventure - even if it means finding new ways to make your current location more exciting.

    All the best!

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  6. KimOctober 31, 2011 at 6:38 PM

    Meg, don't apologize! Grief is a funny thing and you need to deal with it in a way that works for you. I'm so glad Liam is there to boost your spirits when you're feeling down, but remember that it's okay to BE down. You don't always have to put on a brave face. Take care of yourself! xx

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  7. andreaNovember 1, 2011 at 6:47 AM

    I agree with everyone, you need to work out your grief the best way for you. So glad you have your son to lift your spirits.

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  8. AnonymousNovember 13, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    Meg, the nice man's name is John, not Josh...
    LOVE,
    Your Mother. ;o)

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  9. MTSNovember 18, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    Ooops! So sorry, John :-)

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