Sunday, October 30, 2011

Another Grief Post - Sorry!

I haven't written in a while. I've really wanted to but I really don't know what to say. I feel like grief is a never-ending, always evolving process. I've mourned the loss of my two week old brother (when I was 7), my uncle, grandpa, and great-grandparents - and every one of their deaths were sad for different reasons. But the loss of a parent is completely different. It's a feeling that I find very difficult to explain. I almost feel unprotected or insecure. My dad played the role of hero and protector well. He always made sure my car was tuned, gave the best hugs when I was sad (or not sad!) and wanted to kill anyone who ever did me wrong.

Did I mention that he died four days before we were set to move home? Four. Days. He and my mom were going to surprise us at the airport. His retirement party was the following weekend. Four days. I repeat that a lot in my head.

On the outside, I look normal. I seem happy to anyone I meet, I'm sure. And I do have lots of happy moments. Having a one year old is great for lightening the grief load! But when it gets quiet at the end of the day and I'm left to my thoughts, they wander to Dad. I miss him so much. It's really hard to be here without him. I don't just miss him for me though, I miss him for my mom and for Liam, for my sister, for Jimmy. For everyone's life he touched - and he touched many lives.

I'm sorry my posts have been downers lately. You can totally stop reading if you want. This is just a good outlet for me. I will start posting about what we've been up to more regularly - I was on such a roll for a while!

We planted a tree for my dad last weekend at my in-law's home. It was really touching and beautiful. I am truly blessed by Justin's (my) family. Here are a few pictures from the day (the kids dressed up for Halloween - so cute!)