Rest in Peace, Dad

It doesn't seem real. Can't be true. He was a month away from retirement. Would have celebrated his 53rd birthday this Wednesday.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly on Tuesday. Justin and I had just gotten home from a lovely going away dinner with our friends and Liam was being put to bed while I checked my email and facebook. I got a very urgent message from my mom saying to call her as soon as possible. I did so immediately thinking maybe mom and dad sold the house! It didn't cross my mind that she would have bad news. Devastating news. her voice was shaky. She told me to put Justin on the phone. Something was wrong. Very wrong. I asked her to tell me. She repeated to "put Justin on the phone." I took Liam and Justin went into the living room to talk to my mom. I was shaking as I was trying to get Liam to sleep. Racking my brain for what horrible thing could have happened. I could hear Justin speaking in a hushed voice in the other room. Not a good sign. He came back into the bedroom and sat next to me saying, "Something bad happened." I told him not to tell me. I didn't want to know. I wanted to live in blissful ignorance for a little while longer.

The initial shock of hearing your father is gone is unbearable. You resist the news with your whole being. I've been told there's no one or right way to grieve. Everyone does it differently. Distraction is good for me. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about my mom, sister, grandma, grandpa,  aunts, uncles. Everyone left behind. There's a huge hole in my world now. Nothing makes sense.

 He was an amazing man. He had a heart of gold. He was so passionate about his beliefs. He was my hero. He touched so many lives and was taken too soon.

Mom & Dad meeting Liam for the first time

Dad at Howth Pier, feeding the seals

With his two favorite boys

Mom & Dad in Italy - so in love!

I miss him so much and this distance is killing me right now. We're still in Dublin, heading for Michigan on Monday. I'm really not looking forward to going home, and him not being there.